Ok when I rate guys it is on a weird little scale.

I look for three things

On a scale of 1-10 your body has to be a 5+

Face a 6+

Hair must be a 9+ 

So there is this guy who will remain nameless…is a teacher at PCC. He has 6.5 body, 7.75 face and a GOD DAMN MUTHER  FUCKING MULLET!!! -100

I AM FO SHIZ. DUDE HAS A MULLET

He is between 25-35 so WTF? 

He must know he looks like some backwater hick who got transported from 1980’s Alabama right? 

AM I wrong? 

I think I am stating the obvious when I say that guy who could possibly be a 23 is now a -77.

He gets a 100 subtraction for just an awful life decision. 

Only excuse is that he is on a teachers salary and can afford only 1/2 a haircut.

Okay In all seriousness let us think about this for a second.

A Birthday is the day we celebrate each year in honor of the day we began our life on earth. It is the day you look forward to as a child with more excitement than that of Halloween and Christmas because, they are significant to you and you alone. Except for the other millions who were also born on that day, but screw them! As an adult it is the day we can get flat fucking drunk and no one passes judgements because, HEY IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! We get presents and we get Beer. Seriously why wouldn’t anyone love birthdays?

Well have you ever thought about your parents? How they might feel about your birthday?

Think about it. We spend nine months in our mothers stomach making her puke. Dad isn’t getting any for that period of time, and you can forget about after the birth. He isn’t going near that for at least another three months after. So really Dad has blue balls for a year.

On top of that after we are done baking in the belly and mom is forever done with certain food groups. We decide to pop.

So now we are putting mom through hours of excruciating pain. While dad is watching the body part that once gave him sweet pleasure turn into something out of a scene from alien.

Mom has now shit herself from pushing. Dad has sworn of sex and now your big ass head has made it’s way through wrecking your moms vagina three ways from Sunday in it’s quest to breathe air on the earth for the first time. So you are here and everyone is yea!! whoo hoo look at you, you are sooooo cute and healthy and blah blah blah.

But really mom and dad are staring down at you and your little linebacker shoulders that stretched your mother like Gumby crying not tears of happiness, but of the thought that nine months ago was the last time they had good sex and the last time they ever will again. You mom may tighten up a little and forgive you in time, but Just know that when your younger siblings got more presents than you on their birthday  just remember what you did to your parents and know that your sibling was a C-section and you parents  just appreciate them a little more. 

So to you it’s a birthday but, to your parents it’s the anniversary of the death of their sex life.  Maybe you should give them a gift….Just a thought.

Where is my Apocalypse? Do I really have to wait until 2012 to see the world end?

Its ok though. In my head Doctor Who will save us all! He will see the world ending (because of human idiocy) and cause the Big Bang part Deux and then the world restart and humans will be smarter and less sucky!

I will help him achieve this and in return he kicks Amy and Rory out(they cause too many problems) and I will be the new companion

We will save the world AGAIN from Daleks, Weeping Angels and the Tea Party

(yea they’re aliens!…suprised?!!! really???) and I will kick River Songs Ass back to the Gamma Forests where she got her name.

Then I will find out I am 1/2 time lord I rule earth with my vast amount of knowledge and smack all the stupid people with my bugs bunny glove and live happily ever after the end!

I have this problem where people I know, generally friends cry and I walk away.

Let me explain

Ever been in a situation where you were hanging out and your friend has a problem or confesses something and you tell them it’s ok and they are “oh no its not I don’t know what to do blah blah blah”

You pat them awkwardly on the back and explain with your clear head how it is totally going to be ok and that right now they feel bad because they don’t have a clear head and then they go on about “you just don’t get it…My life is over….he/she did this or that  blah blah blah..why does this happen… blah blah blah”

THEN BOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!! TEARS!!

And now you are just sitting there wondering why this person can’t see the light at the end of tunnel and now they are crying and there is nothing you can do!

Now you want to cry because you feel helpless and awful because you want to help but can’t because it’s a problem for your friend and you are not God and have no control over what happens in life.. If you did this whole situation would not even be happening in the first place

Ten min late and the tears are still rolling what do you do?

Well here is what I do.

I tell people I don’t like to be touched so they won’t ever expect a hug even in crisis. That way when you do the half pat on the back they think that’s you really trying to be comforting. So they don’t feel even worse when you say “I think you need some alone time to think and clear your head, I’ll make you some tea” and then slowly make your way out of the room, so they have no idea how awkward their crying makes you feel

Cowardly..Yes…Effective…Oh Yeah

Tears are awkward ok!! I laugh when people cry in the movies or die in some really random or mundane way. I can’t help it. At least I’m not laughing at how ugly I think you are when you cry! Lets face it, some people are fucking ugly nasty boogery cryers

(children excluded…but sometimes I laugh at them too)

Hey.. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t like touching….so really I’m a good person for at least attempting the half pat on the back…Right??

Today’s Dumb Shit of the month goes to Rep. Anthony Weiner of NY.

Tweeted his junk, said it wasn’t him.

Nobody either believed him or cared!

Then said it WAS him and he was very very sorry :(

Again…. No ONE cared or was shocked in the least.

So Rep. Weiner here’s to you for not resigning and being like every other skanky politician

I award you with the “NO SHIT SHERLOCK, OF COURSE IT WAS YOUR DICK PIC AWARD”

Nobody applaud all at once please…..anyone…..nope…no one?

hmmmmmmm………..

Ladies!!!! Listen up because you know exactly what I am talking about!!

If you have Frida Kahlo eyebrows like someone I know (shhhh don’t tell) Then you understand the importance of a good wax.

So, BY NO MEANS SHOULD YOU AT ANY POINT IN YOUR LIFE! DECIDE THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE TO BUSY OR TO FAR AWAY TO VISIT YOUR NORMAL WAXING GOD(DESS) THAT YOU WILL JUST SETTLE FOR THE NEAREST MOST CONVIENIENT WAX LOSER ON THE STREET.

If you do you will be wishing you had waited to see your WAXING PATRON SAINT, because now you look worse than you did before you went in. You basically wished she had just shaved them off because the kind of job it looks like you got.

We all do it. We have our normal wax, nail tech and stylist that we love to go to because they know exactly what we want without even saying it. They maybe pricier usually by 5-10 bucks but so well worth it.

So why knowing this did I decide I was going to go to the five dollar wax lady because she was across the street from my Opera teacher? My normal wax saint was beyond my bus stop home and I didn’t feel like walking back up the hill, that’s why.

(LAZY FUCK, THAT’S ME)

And that is also why I spent an hour trying to fix this monstrosity of a wax job with tweezers and at home wax (don’t recommend) and wishing I could just go chola style and shave’em and pencil’em, because anything would look better then the top of my face right now.

I fully agree why do we need to choose one race over the other race when we’re mixed with both or multiple? I am half black and half white. My boyfriend says that because I’m half black I am. I get that from everybody Am I just post to announce my Whiteside because most people in the world view me as black? I say that I’m mixed not white not but I mix. I was raised around on Mostly like people am only wacky wok up around was my mother my grandmother and my uncle and pretty much my dad’s side which is black. Even my mother will say that I was raised black because we were around nothing really but black people but I still consider myself mixed. I had people ask me what Alizé mixed on that I have to choose what Saddam and beyond the white side of the black side and he just doesn’t make any sense to me. I think people will choose to call themselves either white or black when they are mixed are either ashamed or insecure about one of those races to just go by one race. I am very proud to be mixed him I’m Pannama Whiteside Ponnamma backside it makes me who I a.m. I’ll I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t like the term biracial. I go by mixed I don’t like Melato either. I’m tired here and I say I makes me say “oh no your black”.

I am currently taking a Women Writers class and it was upsetting to see many writers that were of mixed heritage only write about one side of their ancestry. Why do people choose to identify with only a section of their heritage? Toni Morrison said only whites are Americans and everyone else is hyphenated.  Meaning African-Americans, Mexican American and so forth. Where are the writers that write and speak for me? Mixed people who know the struggle of trying to fit in when everyone is telling you just to pretend you are one thing when you are comprised of many? WHERE????

My sister once told me that because I had a little black in me, that I was all black and that I needed to identify as such. Saying I am mixed is trying to be something I’m not. As If I wanted to be just white

My answer in my head was “NO NO NO!!” If I was pure black I would obviously be as dark as you. If I was white I wouldn’t be as tan as I am now. I’m not trying to deny any part of my heritage but too many people tell me I am insulting blacks by saying I’m mixed. WTF!! 

I believe Toni Morrison is right, but it’s not as negative as she thinks. Yes I am hyphenated and I am damn proud.

I am Haitian,Israeli,French Norman,German and Irish- American!

And WTF are you going to do about it!!!

I’m proud to be mixed. The Haitians won their independence, The French and German powerful countries and once empires, Irish never say die and Israelis never give up and stubborn as Hell!!! So Why the Fuck would I want to deny any of my ancestral roots and simply say I’m Black!??!!

People should be proud of their heritage no matter what it may consist of. This goes for whites as well. Don’t just be white be whatever beautiful combination-American you are. Whether it be Irish Hawaiian German-American, English,Scottish Asian-American Whatever the fuck you are stand up and be PROUD!!

Also I am not black I am more of a Caramel color, look at a color wheel Haterz

So It has come to my attention that Tennessee wants to pass a Law that bans teachers discussing anything homosexual.  This means that if a child comes to the teacher because he/she or all of the above is being bullied about being gay then the teacher’s hands are tied. Any teacher can be fined, suspended or fired for helping or giving the child any advice. Lame Sauce to the EXTREME PEOPLE!!!!

What kind of society do we live in that the govt can tell teachers that being paid $30,000  a year is too much for SHAPING THE YOUNG MINDS OF THE FUTURE AND ON TOP OF THAT, TEACHING Acceptance and helping bullied kids could cost them their job!

GOB BLESS AMERICA!!!!!